Thursday, August 23, 2007

Feeling Sorry For Myself

Yep. That's me. Feeling sorry for myself. I am an idiot. I did a stupid thing. I regret it. I am embarrassed. It hurts. I knew better. Thank God I didn't do anything more foolish than speak and write. I was lonely. I still am. I hope that I never have to see him again, though I suppose I must. He doesn't ask to see the baby very often, so at least it will be rare. I wish I didn't say I cared about him. Because, well, he doesn't particularly care for me as I am. And, it would be easier to hold my head up and act like it didn't matter if I hadn't stupidly allowed myself to be lured into saying it did.

So... I will tell myself the cliches that are supposed to make me feel better... well, it's his loss and the like... and they will feel as hollow as they are because deep down I know the truth of the matter... that I was judged to be not good enough by someone I cared for and wanted to care for me.

I try to have faith that God will place the right someone for me to share my life with in my path. But it is hard. I'm getting my keyboard wet... so I think I'll go to bed and finish today's crying there.

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