Thursday, August 23, 2007

A Better Day

To tell the truth... I feel much better, as though I've shaken the dirt from my heels and returned to my right path, traveling on to better things.

While e-mailing back and forth for a couple minutes with the mistake, I was also IMing back and forth with my brother in Iraq. His take on the matter: Fuck him. Piece of Shit.

He also offered a statement on the matter which I will keep private, for now, and he was exactly right. Naturally, what he said was something I already knew, but sometimes it's hard to apply what you already know to a situation that affects you emotionally. With his reminder, though... I was able to look at things from the correct perspective.

I also have been receiving repeatedly a single bit of advice from another source... and that is to make a clean break with the past (specifically the mistake), as the whole thing is wrong -- everything about my association with the mistake is of darkness, badness, weakness, insecurities, addictive behavior, loneliness, vulnerability, fear. Nothing from joy, nothing of beauty... Better things are near, and continuing to allow the mistake to take up my attention and pollute me will only bring me sorrow, never happiness, and will interfere with my availability for and ability to accept and appreciate the better things that are to come my way.

So, that's the plan... every time the bad thing comes to my mind, I will say my mantra and drive it out. I will recognize and not forget what exactly that bad thing is... temptation from my right path... towards one that leads only to cold and ice and misery.

I was born for warmth and sun, ha ha ha.

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