Wednesday, May 30, 2007

This Is Exactly Why I Do What I Do...

...when it comes to relationships. I move nobody into my house. A man will not live in my house until he is my husband -- well, the equivalent private arrangement that does not involve the State -- and that would not occur until I have known him for at least 5 years.

Statistically speaking, the most dangerous person to a single mother's children is the man she is seeing or living with, if he is not the children's blood father. I do not leave my children in the care of a man I am seeing. Not even to run to the corner store. How could I trust someone I don't know well with what is most precious to me?

Children didn't ask to be here, and I think it is stupid to take chances. People hide a lot of their bad characteristics pretty well, often for a good, long time, especially those who are skilled manipulators, like child abusers, philanderers, hustlers of various sorts. It drives me crazy to watch women moving men in and out with their kids, it is so unsafe (aside from all the other associated stuff).

A couple of years ago, I listened to an interview of a woman who wrote a book on the topic of child molesters. She said she got letters from men describing how they were marrying women to get access to their kids. Marrying for access to children is the topic of a recent ABC News story, with a focus on online dating.

Online dating is so not my thing. As a writer, I know just how easy it is to create illusions with words. I prefer to look at someone when I am speaking to him, right from the very start, before he knows a thing about me, before he has a clear idea of what he should hide. To me, having the first communications via e-mail, where I can't assess tone of voice, the eyes, facial expressions, gestures, and body language, while exchanging personal information that can give an insight into who I am and what I want -- things for him to play to -- is at best not smart, at worst, dangerous.

I can understand the psychological and emotional factors that allow women to let these weasels into their worlds. I feel lonely sometimes, too. But, I can understand it just so far... It is difficult for me to comprehend how women let these weasels far enough in to do real damage. Must be I just have a suspicious nature or realize that while raising children, I have to put their safety before my wants.

Men come and go. That's what they do today. Children are blood and they are forever. I prefer to invest myself in forever.

No comments: